Well M left for NTC 430am on the 4Th of July. This was all a flash back from the first deployment. I took him to the until about noon on the 3rd. Okay on big deal it is only for a month. It was a very long day with the kids. All the flash backs of hating having to be a single parent again. Now I know he had only been gone about 12 hours when I get a call about 11pm that night "guess where I am" the plane never left! It had broke down and they were all sitting in the bus on the runway waiting for it be fixed after a few hours when it couldn't they were all sent home for 4 hours. It was nice to have him home for at least a few hours again. 
I know that this deployment is going to be HELL!!! I don't want to do it!!I don't want to deal with it. I don't have a good feeling about it!! I want m to come home!! I want to retire from the military and get on with life and normal life..well at least what ever normal is! I cant do the bath times, homework,weekends,household up keep on my own again. Yes I have done this a few times but I remember so clearly how it really was. Even though when ask oh yes we are fine it is not big deal. When really inside I am falling apart. I don't fall apart in front of the kids. I wait until they are all a sleep. UGH...UGH...UGH.. if I was a drinker I would have a drink...
If anyone reads this what do you do to deal with all this????
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